I came to school, usual timing. Not late, not anything. There she was, behind me. I don’t know what to do. I can’t be like running away because I’m already seated. So.. I had to just continue sitting and ignoring her.

And the truth is, I nearly teared. Everything just replays. And at that point of time, I’m all alone. My eyes got so teary, but I held on. As I see my friends coming,  gotta pretend I was just yawning.

I can’t be doing this for every other day I see her. dang. Why must you be so cruel and different? We could have had more fun together if you hadn’t change. I always enjoyed every moment with you.  And you used me just to avoid yourself from getting scolded. ):

Pure Manipulation. When I actually didn’t mind you distancing from me.

I say I’m all fine at home, but in school I am the opposite. I’m not fine.

and, to my friends, I’m not a thief. I don’t continue taking things even when the atmosphere turns serious.

& Maybe some of you don’t understand my current condition.

I joke if people accept my joke. Other than that, don’t come and joke with me.

One makes me pissed off, and another makes me sad. So, I was supposed to go through the day with so much of mixed feelings; Happiness, Anger and Sadness. What a chore.

And to be honest, I’m still not stable.

That vision of her inviting me to be with her during year 1 camp, keeps replaying How am I gonna get over this fast? It’s affecting me a lot. The fact that we’re in the same class, makes it harder to forget everything.

You were an important person. Everything about you, I prioritise it. The other day during examination, I helped you a lot. Without a thanks, i don’t mind. Because you have never said thanks to me all the four years of knowing (okay except for the one you said thanks when i reminded you to bring something). I don’t mind cos it’s you. I skipped lesson, also because of you. You were like the only friend I can count on.
I remember you calling me late at night just to talk about your problems. It wasn’t a bother.
I remember us going to mall and you pointing at something you wanted.
I remember you taking the same bus when we were going back from mall just because you didn’t want me to be alone.
I remember that our qualifying scores were the same and said that our mind were the same.
I remember we took group shots together as a group happily.
I remember us emo-ing down the building.
I remember you telling me you wanna suicide but thank God, you didn’t.
I remember you being amongst the first to text me on my birthday.
I remember how we laughed at someone.
I remember how we shared jokes across the class despite our seats being far.

There are too many things related to you. Still I can’t believe you happily left me for a bunch of hooligans.

It’s so hard to accept the fact, I got backstabbed.

Thanks Christine for listening and advising me <3 I wouldn’t be standing up now if it wasn’t for you ^^ I’ll try to smile (: we should both get over this quickly, my new friend.
Thanks Dorubie my lub for giving me your support. I know you will always be there when i need someone (:
Thanks …

Actually there’s no point thanking everyone. It doesn’t get replied == And there are too many to thank.

The one about getting pissed off, i don’t wanna elaborate. It’s pointless if I say the same thing over and over again. I get tired, you know. You can continue your endless cycle, I’m not your mum to control you.

School wasn’t awesome either. I feel like staying at home and cry all day long. But nothing is gonna help. Like Christine told me, I should accept and move on even if it is gdamn hard. I’ll try. I’ll try.

Afterall, I have awesome people around me <3

I never had friends who stopped me from quitting school. (apparently i have another school on Sunday and I plan on quitting it but my awesome friends discouraged me and that’s why i am still schooling there.) Besides, I have known them since I was 7. Which makes it 9 years of knowing each other. and my regular schoolmates are not an exception. My crushes Dorubie & Horse stayed through me trying to pull me back together. How shweet. Horse felt sad for me and Dorubie was supporting me. EllyKim told me to be strong and Ann told me gave me support. I have awesome people around me and without them, I don’t know whether I will still be alive or not. But guys sorry, I’m still a little bit affected.

If I continue thinking about the past, I will never be okay..

And I’ve been sending people cold messages. I mean replies. And I feel bad. Gad, sorry people.

and EllyKim, don’t do that same thing in the bathroom ever again. You can get into trouble with law yknow (:

(please note: until here, it was a draft from 17/7/10.)

So the whole week, i did my usual studying. Monday and Tuesday was a lonely day for me Because Hunney and Ann wasn’t around on Monday and Tuesday Hunney just arrived back to this country. Hee. But the whole week was alright, until I got this news. Thanks Horse, for telling me even though you might not have imagined how much I was gonna hurt as I got the news (:

Sigh. I remember getting pushed by my friends to the ground on Thursday. YES THURSDAY XD I won’t forget it. I was walking from the back door. These two beloved friends of mine behind me and pushed me. Without realising, my weak knee bend and made me fall T^T But it was fun. Yea bet you havent found anyone saying that he or she fell and said it was fun ._.

My plan to dance Dashi Dorawa, FAILED. Gad. I’m still unsure of the moves Despite them putting up a dance version AND EVEN dance tutorial (i just found out!). Man, I gotta learn. To show my love

I guess, her backstabbing me wasn’t a big deal afterall. I’m all fine now. I hope i’ll stay this strong in school when i see her..

TIMEFORKPOP

It’s good to see Fany still shining as before despite having her vocal nodules again(like someone. she is having nodules and SHE SCREAMED). So yes, for 3 weeks already, Fany MC-ed for Music Core and she looks perfectly fine <3 Isn’t this just great?!!

And IY@Japan is sorta hilarious. I went to watch because Lee SoonKyu-sshi was in and I didn’t regret. Narsha is still like the mood maker, including Hara and Sunhwa and ofcourse, Kim Shin young And when i was in a bad mood, watching SunByung moments cheered me up ^^ Sunny in IY was really entertaining. It’s sad she gotta leave because of Soshi.

And, I’m in love with INFINITE. It’s the only new boy-group that is attracting me T^T Leader SunGyu has cute eyesmiles, Dance Machine Hoya has a nice face, Sungyeol being cute, L and his charismatic face, DongWoo and his Kenyan way, Sungjong the one who speaks too little and ofcourse Woohyun with his powerfullllllll vocals. I like/love/ADORE!

Sorry Soshi, esp Sooyoung (cos she told us not to cheat on them when they are in japan), I needa cheat on you guys a while But this is fine right? I’m just moving to a boy-group. Don’t be angry kkkkkk? XD

Friends, I love you <3

—
Oh no! I’ve been found out T^T My 2nd crush (stated in my previous post) found out that I have feelings for her/him/it. OH NO! I’m freaking out. What if, I GET IGNORED? What if, I GET HATED? What if, WE WILL NEVER GET ALONG AGAIN? What do I do? T_______T

Apparent, she/he/it cam and ask me yesterday, I don’t know what should I replied and luckily she/him/it went offline. But.. as usual.. If you know me, I will reply T^T 2NdCrush gotta leave the country and go back to her/his/its Motherland. So.. I won’t be seeing 2NdCrush for quite long ): She told me to not tell teacher about the reason and somehow teacher found out. Me and Ann felt like we told a lie. So second crush told me/us not to feel guilty. But teacher still thinks we’re exaggerating things. Ugh. I still feelz guilty.

Okay back to my luv story. “LUV” story.

Dorubie seems to be accepting my feelings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XD I don’t need to fear getting ignored and stuff. wheeeeeee~~~~
—

As usual, the first part of my post are crappy INSIDEofLIFE stuff xD Only the 3 (maybe 4?) of us know XD crappycrappy.

I don’t like life. Okay that was random.

I hadn’t been feeling good these days, as in my FEELINGs, not health. My health is always bad -.- Especially those pains I feel in my inner organs. I really feel like there IS something wrong with me. I never publicise such things before and probably, none of my friends know about this. There are sometimes where I’ll get those pains as I breathe. But the good thing is, it doesn’t occur as often already and another pain would be my poor little HAND. Yes, apparently someone body slammed me when my hand was flexing on the table. Yes you know who you are there ^^

And I feel so despised and I feel this world is crumbling onto me, again. I can only describe it as a stone or rock, being thrown at a group of ants. They run away and separate. ): Evil should stay with Evil and dont try to enter the Good. I guess only me and Dorubie understands this. Troublemaker, I dont like you. I never will. You’re spoiling my friends. You know you’re not likeable, anywhere.

Let’s talk about school. So, my 2nd language oral is over. PHEWWWW. Not much stumbling. But my nervous level WAS SO HIGH. There was this waiting seat, and I was trembling like nuts. I could withstand cold temperature but somehow I was trembling >_< Afterall, this is one of the components that adds up to my A-grade, which I hope I got it. I seriously need that A+ grade T^T

Wednesday seems to be a happy day. We will happily play sports together Oh should I say, GET INJURED TOGETHER? XD Hun pushed the ball to my face. ouch x_< I feel so hurt Luckily there are other concerned people Dorubie was very concerned ^^ and Ann could see that something wasn’t right in me. Hee. I feel blessed xD , but just for that short moment. Acting like a retard was prolly the best Imma do it next PE lesson …. Maybe not :l Interclass games are coming soon so yes, I can’t be doing that in front of public.

There are some things I was irritated about. Comments, comments, opinions. They don’t follow my mind, and I needa tell my mind that you can’t expect everyone to be the same as yourself. Sigh. Even twins have different minds.

Sigh. I lack entertainment these days. Just work and work. Everyday is a sad day anding at half past three. and on top of that, I am kinda sad I can’t take my Psychology course cos I’m not that smart. I wanna do Gerontology but i’m a little bit uninterested in some areas. Okay maybe I lied, there are MANY things that I wanna know about the contents of Gerontology. But nah, I’m just not performing up to standard. and Currently I’m slowly digesting that Molecule chapter. Rather slow, I know :<

Dang, my stomach feels bad. My appetite kinda decrease

I think I laughed the most on Friday. Dorubie kinda FORCED me to laugh. I didn’t wanna laugh cos the joke wasn’t really funny cos I hear it like everyday and when I see Dorubie laugh, I had no choice but to laugh too. I feel so happy and all of a sudden I’m all down again because I heard someone asked me to shut up. Only me. Hmph. As though I’m scared. naw naw naw.

I see changes everywhere. I don’t like it. But. I have to accept the fact that even the Earth changes so obviously people change too. If I could accept the changes done on Earth, why can’t I accept the changes in man? I guess,it’s because those changes aren’t for good

There is school for me/us today. All the more for a better grade. Hee. Got a text as early as 7:30am. From hun. I thought she was gonna leave at 8am and she still texted me. So then she told me she’s leaving at 9:40 == So we talkd for a while more before she officially leave this ground. As she leaves, 2AM is here in Singapore. XD Jokwon, ImSeulOng, JungJinwoon and Lee ChangMin, i CANT hunt any of you T^T But I will catch you all on TV tomorrow

Another week ahead. Catching Despicable Me tomorrow. Recommended by many. I wonder how good it is. I find the graphics cute ^^ I think I’ll enjoy it I need a break from all this stress.

If you don’t know what I hate and what I like, it’s better we be apart.

I’m currently into this song. Wings (날개) by Infinite.

lyrics and translation – http://xiaolink.wordpress.com/2010/06/14/infinite-날개-wings-lyrics/

Get well soon HunneyLee & Dorubie :> ♥

Oh, Dorubie, why are you so PRETTY?

LOL. This iz a confession and I cannot believe I am doing this.

On the other hand, I am not only attracted to Dorubie. There’s still, another girl~~~~

People calls her a horse, because of her laughter which I find, very very beeeyoutifool. Her hair, all th way to her toes, is sooooo puuurrrfekt. She may not do well in sports like D., but, she’s still purrrrrfekt~~ ahhhhhh~ can you feel mai heartbeat??! Oh horseeeey, wai so lovely ♥o♥

Ahahahaha. Confessions of a broken heart.

PS: Please do not take any of the above seriously. They are just for laughs.

School has been fine~ It’s currently July and I realise, TIME FLIES SO FAAAAST. Back then it was freaking warm during January. and now it’s so cold in July. Not complaining I just love the weather now I am blessed that I’m born in this country where there isn’t any floods, drought or any natural disaster. And I’m thankful. So people from my country, start and feel blessed and do not complain or even worse, PRAY for flood etc. It’s ridiculous if you aren’t grateful.

These days I’m feeling a little down for an unknown reason, eventually I found out why after it happened again. But as for today, I don’t really care about it. It’s up to you people how you people wanna treat me as. In this world, its hard to please everyone. So as long as our friendship isn’t broken, I’m alright

The new schedule is rather ugly. There is First Language EVERYDAY. It’s alright, all the more for a better grade. and my 2nd language oral exam is coming soon. Good luck to me. and after that, 1 stress block gone

Oh. and for Math, I got separated from my fellow classmates. Yes, it’s very sad. I kinda want to request for a change all because I couldn’t concentrate, to the point I feel like I hate this subject. But I still have great love for Science I guess I’ll major science, so maybe I can help the sick uhhhh, get what I mean. Kpop fans should know Tiffany still has vocal nodules. I wish I can find an absolute cure for it… Okay rather impossible. I’m no scientist to find some cure for an illness.

Enough crap. Physical Education was rather fun, not until those creatures came. Apparently there 3 of them. Creature 1 hates me, I bet. When I was suppose to take the dear ball, she pushed me away. I could have shouted at that creature, but I reminded myself, “it’s a creature, not a regular human.” So since it’s a creature, it’s different from human behaviour. So practically, creature 1 PUSHED ME. wow o wow. and secondly, another creature added on into my anger by hitting the ball away when we’re about to score. Oh that last creature isn’t part of any team. Yes, I was raging.

Time for the fun part. We were all enjoying and scoring and blocking and running around like little kiddos. Fun part was when me and Elly went to dance when the ball took SO LONG to come to our half. So yea, we were dancing to NuABO XD and etc ^^ Then when I was at the other half, I was suppose to catch the ball and my hunney come to HUG me so as to stop me from taking. Nice move, but no I ended up with a cut and 2 bruises. WOW. Just because I knee-d the door and those bruises came up. It’s okay

And I haven’t mention abt me getting sick MYSTERIOUSLY after Sunday. I went out with my parents and came home with a headache. OUCH. All i know, the next day I’m all runny with my nose dripping. I felt so sick. The caring and lovely Dolbie said my face was hot and red. So I got a little shocked there. I love my caring friends lots <3 Thanks ErobieJung, EllyKim, ChoiAnn and HunneyLee You guys should know yourselves ^^ HwangRa is alright alive and kicking now ^^

My Youth Day us ruind. Gotta go back to school for work. Sigh. Good luck to us

Lastly, my 5 years love <3

All the way, team!

Like finally. I have been saving drafts for the past few days because i couldn’t blog properly ._. So yea, I’m finally blogging

I’m blogging so do not complain, ANN. Yes YOU. This fella keeps coming to me and asking me to update my blog and quote the first line from my blog. And others will continue asking me whether I have blogged.

YES, I’m blogging.

For some of you readers who might not know about my life, I have been busy with school work for the past few weeks. Connected to the graduation exams. That’s why i kinda burn of my nights for it. But it’s a subject that I’m starting to hate, that’s why I didn’t really put in much effort. I’m just satisfying the marker XD

Many things had happened for the past weeks. This week itself I have been going out for many many days. Monday with hunney, Tuesday had a smashing ‘party’, and Friday exploring the country.

Last week’s Tuesday was prolly the best. I had received my SNSD photobook It’s awesomeeeeeee <3

Let’s start from the past few weeks. From whatever I remember. I know we had extra classes for like two weeks and then a cooking course after that which ends at 4:30pm everyday.The cooking courses were fun. Simply because I get to eat. But most of the days, I didn’t manage to eat what I cooked. It’s not because I fear to eat them but it’s because I brought it home, got too tired, and ended up throwing it away. Sorry food D:

Had the cooking course for a whole week. and as most friends know, I found someone whom I felt rather different when I was with the person. I felt like I had known the person for many years. Going close to the person, make me feel so comfortable. I guess fate really wanted me to know him and therefore separating me from my friends. That person, he makes me feel comfortable ^^ Time to insert a song – “LOVE LOVE LOVE!”

And the best thing was, I didn’t know his name. Yes, i was so stupid to let him go off just like that without knowing his name!!!!!! Yes, i feel so stupid after that on. It’s like, he met me and my friend walking and tapped my shoulder and said he recognised me ^^ So the three of us walked together. I was kinda happy that idk what should I say. So end up, he opened a convo with me and we started talking. I reached my stop and he said he’s just walking around, finding his way home without knowing the area. Gosh, I can’t stand how cute he is >< So I was at my bus-stop and he just walked aimlessly. I felt dumb cos I could have followed him to his stop or something and get to know him more. On that day i realised, looks isn’t important but the heart is

Story Of A Little Girl In Love. / major FAIL included.

Kkkkk. Moving on.

For 5 days, cooked lotsa dishes. Some of my dishes failed. I don’t care xD Really. HAHA.

Ohoh! And th week after this cooking course ended, we had our national exams, for cooking. I tell you, the timing was rather tight. I kept worrying that I cannot finish in time. And so the day came, it went on well. WHEWWWW~ hunney was beside me ._. I think most of the time during the exam, I was busy munching when no one was looking. Like come on, FOOD I can’t like waste ‘em ^^ ohno, mistake, FRUITS. Healthy people ^^

And so my dishes were served. I TRIED NONE, except for my spaghetti so yea, the outcome for the others were.. in the bin. Practically because after the exam, we had to go to the computer lab and on that day, i gotta rush for tuition. Soooo, I totally forgot about it and left it in the lab. Told Ann to throw it for me and idk whether he did it or not ._.

So yes, tht over. Handed it in and it’s all over. Free time on the computerrrrr for massive kpop hits

And these days, I got addicted, to something. HAHA.  I won’t say it but most of my close friends should know ^^ On today is D-1 of quitting it Not gonna watch it, had enough. (:

Hee. Time for some kpop spazz. As you guys (kpop fans) know, U-kiss have been doing some sort of a Asia Tour. and my country is included. So.. YES. i WENT TO SEE THEM XD Those boys are gorgeous, even from far. Err, apparently I can’t afford to spend anymore so I didn’t get to see them upclose and upFAR ._. Oh, Elley & me waited for them about an hour in the carpark. Hot, VERY VERY HOT. I wanted to faint, nearly. I can’t stand the CO(if your science if guud, you should know what’s CO ^^ ) gas around. And so, our wait was rather worth it. They were in front of us, like omg. Sizzling. I couldn’t feel the carpark’s heat alr. Too. Awesome.

New love: Lee Ki Seop.

Blonde striking hair, cute outfit. I can’t get my eyes off him and his fellow member, Kevin. Striking hairstyle. Like i said, i have this hair fetish, I ‘ll just look at the hair ^^ Intentionally, I was taking a fancam but when i saw them, i went crazy shouting like how my mum say “screamin like you never seen a boy” . YES, I went crazy shouting and my camera.. it faced down. So,nothing was really caught. Sigh..

Pictures of them are up and some sites, I might link them soon, not today cos i’m turning in soon and I have a re-exam tomorrow.

I have finally updated this dead space.

Okay readers, i think I’m moving to tumblr on SNSD Seohyun’s birthday – 28 June. Keep a lookout, my CLASSMATES/ readers

Meanwhile, try listening to Seo In Guk featuring After School’s Bekah – 첫눈에 (translated as At First sight/glance). Lyrics are rather meaningful and it’s my current favourite ^^

Still praying for Tiffany’s recovery. and hoping SNSD is doing well in Japan. SNSD first Photobook was great Tiffany, take care (:

I shouldn’t write much. That event is very hurting.

Shall not say much. They said to end most of plus her privacy. But you should know, since I’m a big fan of SNSD, you should know who I’m referring to.

Yes, Kim Taeyeon.

and Yes, I love her. (as an idol)

Also, I respect her.

As much as I want skinship(handshake, etc) with her, I wont do so until she offers it herself.

And you know what, Thank You SCHOOL for planning a WONDERFUL programme. You know what? If the programme wasn’t planned/ compulsory, I could have caught a glimpse of Kim Taeyeon in front of my eyeballs. These pair of eyeballs have seen Brown Eyed Girls, FT Island, T-Max and many more. These pair of eyeballs too, wanna catch real life SNSD.

Oh don’t worry I’M VERY FINE. Just let a CHANCE slip by my grasping hands.

Especially today, I plan to stalk find Taeyeon after my Cooking Programme. The programme needed us to bake bread. Yes bread, bread that Kim taeyeon said she loves a lot. I specially try to make it nice and all, I even kept 3 for her since I’m on the same land as her. That’s why, I didnt eat those. I guess I’ll either be eating them by myself or even threw it away. Today is not meant to be a good day for me.

I don’t wanna offend anyone so I’m not mentioning anything. I just hope Taeyeon don’t get the wrong image of the country. And I hope Taeyeon do not think that 1 or 2 equals to everyone.

Morning, heard from Elly, Taeyeon’s here. Shocked. Excited. Mixed emotions. But in a good way. Got so excited in class was searching all info for it. Then everything started pouring in. Feels so updated. Plans to skip Cooking Programme for Taengoooo butbut.. I’m scared of the consequences. Since it’s BUNS, I shall go (:

At that point, Yes, i felt over the moon. Probably even over the universe. Being in the same country as Kim Taeyeon and family. First time, ever.

But, i got no intentions of stalking her. I just wanna let her know, I’m always here as her fan as long as she and SNSD continues living. But I guess after today, I couldnt be there all the time for SNSD. If I was there, I prolly would do something to those otakus.

Now, mixed of emotions part 2. Angry + sad. My one and only chance flew. Kiss it goodbye, no. Continuously I look at the sky, maybe I can see you but I guess, it’s hard now.

Taeyeon-sshi, I apologise on behalf of those fans who gave a scare, a shock and maybe anger. My dream to see you smile here in front of me, gone.

Everything.

Is Gone.

Hope your family had a happy vacation afterall.  Much love.

She will never see this, but, I just need to convey my feelings out. It’s hurting, a lot.

Everything, is turning upside down.

It’s this same feeling I felt back in 2005.

So, I’m here, being forced.

T_______________T

7-days of Intensive revision is over. Time to do the papers to get all those time paid off. and the paper is on tomorrow. Gosh, time flies so FAST. I was just remembering about primary school. Apparently because I somehow found my primary school friend’s facebook. He is someone who calls me his in-law when I’m NOT related to him. But he’s funny and i just coincidentally met him last year But now I think, we’re steps and steps apart from each other.  Especially after i saw a b*tch in his friends list. Lol. A recent enemy. She was nice back then but now she turned to an arrogant skunk. That explains why I’m not contacting her and I never will

Let’s talk about these 7-days. Food. Yes. I think almost all seven days, I was accompanied by food from Horseey. She and Ainao is making me get diabetes with all the sweets and snacks they have. But yea, I was entertained ^^ Horseey don’t neigh much in class these days.  Horseey, neigh soon. If not imma call you Greeny ^^

Uh, but I love Greeny :3 I can’t love something else more than Greeny. EOOTOKHAE????

lalalala.

Love by CN Blue. is A VERY AWEZUM SONG hum & sing in class. I think Horseey know. I’ve been singing and writing about it throughout. and uh, DRAWING There’s possibly no lesson I can survive without drawing something. There must be SOMETHING i doodle on. And sometimes, Idk what to doodle o____o hee. So I just draw my expressions around

Yes most of the time, I’m sad.

Blah. People thinks I’m just a happy kid but nah, who knows what’s inside me. Only God, God knows whatever is inside me. (:

Recently, I’ve gotten more information on my religious studies which strengthens my views on my religion. Gosh, if that teacher didn’t come, I probably wouldn’t gain any knowledge at all -.-

Hmm, where should I begin? I think I’ll start from last week’s Shrek date.

So as most of you know, Ann, Elly & me went to catch Shrek 3-D while Peng & darling went for 2-D. Halfway there, the 3-D one failed. Luckily, we got a refund!!!!!! (that’s the only fun part amongst the whole day actually). So, we got another chance to watch Shrek, without paying, and another movie ticket for any movie. Talk about luck Each time we went for a movie, there sure will be Arcade gaming & Sushi

Last week ws Shrek and today, watched Prince of Persia. I like the game but I’ve never thought of watching the movie. Prince Of Persia was AWESOME. The Princess is very pretty ^^ and the Prince of Persia is very good-looking XD Gosh, I love the movie a lot Some points anger me a lot which shows how good the director is and that’s how I wanna be too xD

But until now, I’m still unsure if I should go into all this director work or just continue my love with Science o_______< Sigh.

But Prince Of Persia have too much sword fighting. I somehow don’t like the sound of the swords slashing == Idk why. Lol.

After movie, went to the arcade ^^ Gosh, I FAILED IN DRIVING AGAIN =_= cos I was pressing on the break without knowing -.- Racing  reminds me about RACING with Horseey last year ^^ and yes, I won Horseey XD

Just finished watching some performances of Dream Concert. AWEZUM. Fany’s hair <3333333333333333333333 All of them look so pretttty.

Actually I watched all the fancams before, but it just looks better on screen That’s why, I’m spazzing. Hee The intro dance was awesum.

Oh, not forgetting, since it’s 30th May,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IM YOONA!!!! <3

For those of you who don’t know, YoonA was my first bias . When I first came across Gee, I think YoonA got me the most. She looked so pretty and adorable. And just nice, I liked her at the point of time Cinderella Man was still on television. So I get to see her acting skills and everything about her. I find her voice cute and unique from others. Her personality makes me like her more. Especially after catching Imagination Plus. Uh, Imagination Plus was also the show that got me into Fany >< But somehow after the kissing scene in Cinderella Man, idk why, I’m just not really INTO her because at that point of time, I was VERY bias towards her that I disliked some members. Soon, God opened my eyes and make me love all of the nine girls <3 I think I was still into YoonA during TellMeYourWish(TMYW) period. Her red hair caught me, her variety skills STILL caught me. I was trapped ^^ but I was happy. heee~  Nonetheless, Have a HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOONA This lady’s nice enough to send a video message to us via StarCall to thank us etc.

Saranghae, deerYoong, alligatorYoong, StrongYoong, injulmi-eyesYoong, FlounderYoong! <3 ^^

SNSD Hwaiting <3

Rather dull day today. Lazed around. Slept for around 12 hours ad still felt tired. Woke up cos of mum. I could have go as far as 4pm but I remembered about Music Core & others. Hee.

Fany & Yul last day MC-ing today. Gosh. Gonna miss you babes I’ll wait for another 3 weeks for your return <3 3 weeks.. will pass in a flash. I hope.

Fany with two ponytails, cute <3 Bias forever, but I have thought of changing her with Yoona. Gosh, 9 angels. My idols forever

The whole week went on fine~ Yesterday was the best. 3 periods got replaced by free-time. Gosh, i felt so happy ^^ Was having fun playing and stuffs and some !#$^&* came over. Spoilt my whole mood and everyone’s. Super duper unhappy at that point of time -.- Just imagine, you were having fun laughing and all of a sudden someone you hate the MOST came by. Ugh, I just gotta accept fate and move on.

She was in to give comments to most of the students. I am very SURE I will be included since my points didn’t reach her expectations. Ugh. I seriously regret cursing the one who took us last year. If i were to judge her now, she’s 10,000 times better than this one now. Double UGH. Regret, regret.

I regret not studying harder when I was younger.
I regret not studying well for examinations.
I regret the combination I am taking now.
I regret not liking Science sooner.
I regret not liking SNSD sooner.
I regret not liking Mathematics sooner.
I regret not cherishing my time in my activities.
I regret not working hard for my activities.
I regret not being fitter so that I have more chances of entering Sports School. (sounds so fake but I believe I could if I was fitter & smarter)
+ I regret letting Ainao use her Hair Foam onto my head which explains the ugly condition of my hair now -_-

So many regrets, but I never regret being friends with everyone I know. Our G7 + Ann, 4-year friends, Juniors, Primary friends, PENGPENG etc (sorry if I nvr mention ya). I never regret befriending all of you <3 May our friendship be forever

Gosh, talked about regrets, look at the amount of regrets I have, expecially the last few. LOL. I realise, if i was fitter, I could run faster, that place would be my home. Another thing I didn’t regret is, living.

Remember about me typing about me falling into depression at such a young age? Yea. I had the thought of dying at that point of time. Ain’t that scary? Wishing for death when you’re only 10. Thank Goodness I pulled it through cos of my friends at that point of time. I would have been a goner if I really chose to end life back then.

Ah, the past. tubi told me not to think about the past too much and let it go. Yes I will, babe ^^

This whole week of 7 days, required to say until 4pm to study intensively for Language 2. I don’t like it, but I love language 2 so I gotta do it! I aim for a freaking Grade A+ since I got an A- previously. Hwaitaeng to me! And I hope tubi gets an A too. Ainao is a regular A+ grader. Hope she on’t be too confident in her A+ ^^ cos I know she isn’t like that

Lessons in class shortened. I LOVE IT. Yea, lesser time in seeing that woman. I like that part but a nono if it skips Mother’s lesson. I Love Mother(s).

Sometimes during revision, I start thinking about certain people. How they behave towards me and how they behaved towards others. This thought, scares me. A lot. I can’t help to think about it.

Guess, I shouldn’t do this.

It hurts me more than knowing I can never be with someone.

The Cruelty.

Accept fate, and you’ll be fine

Idk what the hell is WRONG with the person that the person is making me feel THIS WAY ↓ And I can tell you when this shitty feeling is here, I have the intention to make it hell for that person. Idk what the eff I did wrong to that person and now that person’s treating me like a bull crap. and I can tell you I’m so pissed after rewinding all the events that are related to that person. In the first place you shouldn’t have talked to me because your words are just part of the trash bin.

zzz. YES, CLEARLY, someone is pissing me off. AGAIN. I seriously will slap her face if there wasnt rules in this whole world. !#%^**

Uh, someone, save me T________T I’m so pissed I could knock my head onto the wall without feeling pain This sucks. Seriously. Where was the YOU i know who would behave must DIFFERENT then what you are now?

I guess i got an answer. Influence. Yes that answers everything. So, as of now, I will kindly try and demolish you from my current state. Goodbye, new YOU.

Nickhun’s line in Without U tells me something – “everything happens for a reason”.

and Eli’s line in ManManHaNi really makes me wanna say it to that person now – “YOU MAKE ME PISSED OFF”.

UGH. I don’t wanna elaborate anything. To avoid confusions and stuffs. This person mentioned should really start behaving like how I once knew the person. I didn’t know, changes can happen in a blink of an eye.

Lalalalala~ Let’s talk about school. IR was great. cos SOMEONE sat beside me Thank goodness she and I started entertaining each other as time passes. <3 hee. Encountered this word > tubi tubi. ISN’T THE WORD CUTE??!?!?!!? I felt like I have encountered it in an enime but i FORGOT. See, brain cells die more often than the rate of ants getting killed. I think IR was the best time among all cos there are those peeps. Normal school hour wasn’t fun. Except SOME lessons. hee. I like Language, cus teacher is duper cute ^^ other than that, IT SUCKED. Yea get what and WHO I mean.

If you’re treating me like a toy, tell me. I can tell you where you can damage and where you cannot. Since I’m not a toy, DONT TOY AROUND WITH ME.

F*ck it, this feeling of hate. It’s overcoming me like how the clouds hide the Sun during a rainy day. At the same time, there is this other feeling of love fighting it’s way out.

Goodness, what have I been blabbering?

It’s alright, even without this person, my 7 bitches are the best ever <3

Bonamana

Gosh, I feel tempted to move to tumblr.  Idk why. It’s okay. I will stay here But if anything happends I will inform you stalkers

Today’s a Monday, a brand new day of a whole new week Expected it to be very exciting and miraculous. Instead, sh*tz everywhere.

I just calculated HOW MANY SUBJECTS will I pass and I only counted a total of THREE subjects. That’s how bad my middle term is gonna be -.- andand the treatment at home is slightly better than school, DEFINITELY. They will just start nagging at us for us to do better and yadaya~, the  students dont even bother any sh*t except for e PINCHful. I could say a handful but i still think a handful is too big t even get whatever the teacher says into their thick skulls. And I believe, I’m NEVER included in this pinchful.

Dad always tells me to work harder, just like the teachers, but I took note of none. Uh, I think this year I REALLY didn’t even listen to any shit. I can never concentrate like how I used to -.- I won’t say the reason here. It’s to private to be publicised. and better not f*cking spam me in school asking WHY.

Gosh, I need something to cheer me up tomorrow. It’s gonna be a long and earful day. God, allow me to handle all this punishments for my misdoings >< If just i could send email & text messages to God about my wishes and etc., gosh, that would be cool but duh, annoying. I’ll probably ask God to hurry gimme someone who would love me for life xD Obviously everyone wants that ._.

Today was slightly mad + sad. I don’t wanna talk about it yet. But all I know I have secure an A-grade already so i’m SAFE. Because i got a B-grade the term before. gosh. Though it’s an A-,  I’m still thankful I got one already. whew~ The other subject? i don’t wanna talk about it. Felt so depressed by it. Tried every means to get over it but 1/4 over the total marks,  won’t you feel sad? Yea, that’s exactly what I got. How stupid am i to even feel sad. It’s my own fault for not putting in effort. Even if I were to cry, I’m just being stupid. Crying over something caused on my own.

Morning, beautiful weather. Raining~ ^^ I love it when it rains. Feel so calm and peaceful. All the sorrows you have suddenly disappears.

Walked to school with P. PENG. and later she talked with XX and left me. So, I saw SNur and walked with her instead. Actually she didn’t wanna walk with me cos her dear sister was in front. Sigh. So I end up walking to class with her. Talked about stuff which I forgot already XD hee. The first thing I reached school, someone just gotta nag. It’s HORRIBLE == I get pissed off by her tone & voice. zzz. MOVING ON.

She was talking about what we will be doing next on and on. Gosh, I love it when time flies and when she isn’t in. Next lesson was better. But I feel rather guilty over something related to it. Hope she just understands.

Written on 18/5

Today, release of results. GOSH. I don’t wanna talk about it. You people might think my results are good or whatever, but it seriously SUCKED. Gosh, i didn’t know my do-anyhow-just-hope-you-get-marks method doesn’t work. They always say “at least write something, maybe you will get th marks!” I tried, but what do I still get, A FAIL. Gotta put in more effort. The graduation exam is coming  D: Gosh, if I got this sucky results for graduation, I may become one of those lamb chops in stalls -_________-

Mixed emotions amongst friends. And there’s this f*cking loser that just gotta get on my nerves. Throwing rubbish onto me. It is said that it wasn’t on purpose but wtf. If you have NOTHING better to do, go do your smoking and do not try to disturb me. I bite to unknown disturbance.

Oh the case was, some loser threw papers at me when it was supposed to be aimed at Ann. WTF. I’m so pissed i feel like throwing everything on the floor to his chair. zzz.

Let’s go on. Results weren’t good. But for some subjects, the teachers just gave their remarks and then continue Hee. Especially English and Social Science. I love the teachers teaching these 2 subjects. <3 They still laugh around with us and stuffs. hee.

Had Physical Fitness test after school. Grr. They took up our time after school so that we won’t miss a freaking lesson on anything. zz. But I did well I kinda topped for everything ^^ But yea, I can never beat my friend over the other class. She, Jocee, got a 225cm for SBJ, 9.9 for S.Run, 48 for sit-ups. Idk the rest but that’s all I know. For me, I only achieved a 192cm for SBJ,  10.4 for S.Run and 50 for sit-ups. If just the assess my Physical Fitness rather than using brains and stuffs, I could have pass with flying colours.

Narsha was kinda like what I looked up upon while doing sit-ups. SHE, reaching 48 in 30 seconds, I can’t believe it. and my dearbb Tiffany got a 20 range only. It’s okay, hun. You’re still my idol I remember panting hardly last year for sit-ups. and I just reached a 30 -________- zzz. If it wasn’t for S&R, I could have gotten a Gold. So pissed with that part. andand, I’m NOT mentioning anything that happened during SBJ. Keep it private and confidential

I’m done for today, coming back soon. Intensive Revision has come up, but that’s good. I’ll see those peeps longer than usual ^^

You make me tingle tingle~

I seriously don’t know what this feeling is.